Pulpmovies Reviews

The opening credits of this film proudly announce that it was made in association with the Puerto Rico Investors’ Tax Credit Film Fund. And it shows. The Survivor is a ridiculously derivative mix of action sub-genres wrapped round a plot that has more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese.

Set in the 24th century, the film opens with our hero, Tarkin (Xavier Declie) being blasted to Earth - now a penal colony - in a steel pod. He’s been convicted of something for which there is no parole… but we know he’s going to be performing heroics later in the film - he’s got good guy stamped all over him.

President Bradford (Richard Herd), leader of the planetary federation is flying past the Earth when his spacecraft is sabotaged and explodes. President Bradford’s escape pod lands on the on the lush, jungle covered, green, oxygen-depleted wasteland (yes, I know) that is penal colony Earth. In a direct rip-off from Escape From New York the president falls into the hands of the Kyla (Richard Moll) and his medievally themed (original… not!) society of convicts.

Fortunately, help is at hand in the form of President Bradford’s close aides and grandson who also land on Earth in a second escape pod. This group are rescued from the tribe of savages that also live on Penal Colony Earth (where the hell did they come from?) by Tarkin, who, being a surgeon, is the only person able to survive in an environment as hostile as we’re supposed to believe this one is on his own. And of course, they manage to convince Tarkin to help rescue President Bradford and off they all go. We’re then treated to about an hour’s worth of inconsistent action and terrible plot.

And that’s basically it. The plot is simplistic, to say the least, and packed with cliches that have all been repeated far too many times in the past. While there are a couple of halfhearted stabs at plot twists, these are so transparant you can see them coming from a mile off. The pacing is slow and the action and effects are uninspired.

The Survivor certainly isn’t gripping but it isn’t quite bad enough to make me want to yank the video out of the VCR in disgust. It’s inept, but not inept enough to cross the line into inadvertent comedy. Don’t spend any money on seeing this film and if anyone ever invites you around to see it, make sure you take plenty of beers.

Wishmaster is an unwatchably bad disaster of a film and Wes Craven must have been really struggling financially when he allowed his name to be attached to it. This film (aka Wes Craven’s Wishmaster) is both uninspired and unoriginal and displays none of the humour which may have dragged it out of the bargin bins (although I doubt that anything could have saved this film from well deserved obscurity).

The premise of the film is explained via the sort of throaty voice over that has ‘cheap’ stamped all over it and is then underlined with an opening scene set in ancient Persia. This tells us that the film is going to be a Monkey’s Paw style take on the old Genie in the bottle stories and totally undermines the rest of the film.

Essentially, we have a Djinn, released into twentieth century America who needs to grant three wishes to the gemologist, Tammy Lauren (Alexandra Amberson) who awakens him and, indirectly, causes him to be released. Once all three wishes are granted he can release his bretheren and take over the world. He does this by wondering around granting wishes, in as twisted and vicious a way as he is able (You want to be rich, collect your mother’s life insurance), to anyone and everyone who gets in his way while simultaneously scaring Lauren enough to encourage her to go and find out what is causing her nightmares. But we’ve already had the entire premise of the film dumped on us, so there’s no tension and no surprises apart from the fact that this otherwise intelligent woman is so willing to accept that a 12th century Djinn is stalking her.

The special effects are reasonably gruesome in places, but never stomach-churning enough to put off a family audience. They’re not shocking and they’re not original… we even have aliens climbing out of people’s chests!

Wishmaster is a seriously dull film and one that I would have switched off after about twenty minutes if I hadn’t wanted to comment on it here. The only positive thing in the entire sorry mess is Andrew Divoff’s creepy grin when playing the Djinn in it’s human disguise.

The only frightening thing about this movie was when I looked it up on the Internet Movie Database and discovered that there are three sequels.

Another Troma pick-up and another example of how to sell a film by changing it’s title. Croaked was originally called Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake and this is the title that appears on the actual film. Croaked: Frog Monster From Hell may be a less accurate title, but it sounds a lot more fun and is more effective if setting the tone of the film.

Croaked is not frightening, not gory and is so predictable as to supply no shocks. The dialogue is cheesy, the acting is wooden, the action is stilted beyond belief and there’s no sex, or even nudity. However, it is saved by it’s sense of humour, most noticeably in it’s jokey use of music. Composer Bruce Malm deserves a medal for giving several weak action sequences a comedic feel by playing lightweight tunes over them. In fact, the soundtrack is the most outstanding part of this film, not only by giving it a comic edge, but also by holding back where appropriate and allowing the background forest noises provide a suitably oppressive atmosphere - who would have thought that a frog chorus could sound ominous? Special mention should also go to Jerry Gregoris who play’s Charlie, the resident hermit and a character which manages simultaneously to provide much of the exposition and (deliberately or otherwise) supply some great moments of comic relief.

The story, narrated by the now adult Kelly Morgan (Glenn Scherer), follows his experiences as an 11 year old boy when he, along with his father, their companions and several other people encountered the Rana, the lake-dwelling prehistoric frog god. Not a premise that can be taken very seriously to start with.

Wisely, the filmmakers avoid showing the monster for as long as possible. Murky water, shadowy trees and fog are all used to conceal the Rana as it stalks and - surprisingly quickly for a horror film - dispatches it’s victims. Again, probably more by accident than by design, the level to which the Rana is hidden does make for some suspenseful moments - especially some of the underwater scenes from the Rana’s point of view which are very reminiscent of Jaws - a film which was made in the same year.

Of course, when - in the climactic scene - the Rana does finally appear in all it’s glory, we have a man in a rubber suit that looks like it’s been copied stitch-for-stitch from the Creature From The Black Lagoon.

After this scene, we jump back to the adult Kelly Morgan and his girlfriend for the shock ending which is both predictable and disappointing. That said, build up to it is superbly handled and manages to sustain a wonderfully creepy atmosphere right up to the unshocking shock.

I enjoyed this film. It’s a fine piece of cheese which as far as I can tell, is no longer available on either video or DVD. But if your local TV company decides to risk a screening, tune in, grab some beers and enjoy.