Stagknight
Stagknight is the latest UK comedy horror from Writer/Director/Producer Simon Cathcart and promises to pick up where Shaun of the Dead left off. Stagknight delivers more carnage, more babes, and a whole lot of paintball action. And it’s coming in Spring 2006.
The Synopsis
After the great battle at Richborough and the death of King Arthur at the hands of Mordred, Merlin and Lancelot bury the defeated Mordred alive in a tomb along with the sacred Cauldron of Annwn, the original Holy Grail. Through a sacred Celtic ceremony Merlin locks the Cauldron in the tomb, preventing it from ever falling into the hands of man again. Leaving, Merlin curses a horrible fate to any who tries to remove the Cauldron from the tomb, as it is sealed for all time.
Present day. A minibus carves through a huge remote UK forest, carrying a party of ten buddies away for a paintball bachelor party weekend they will never forget.
Down the back and buried in the local history books is Brian the groom a schoolteacher not known for his confidence dreading the weekend ahead. Joining him is Roger, tattooed, ex-con scout master, Santos a wannabe Columbian drug dealer, Wolf a fading Chippendale, Charles an arrogant snob and Sean a recovering alcoholic; both stockbrokers who despises one another, Dave amateur DJ, Makoto a Japanese disgruntled Chinese take-away owner, Mike the Saddest geek in history and last but certainly not least “Steve The Queen” camp as a Christmas hairdresser. Together they are “The Weekend Warrior’s”; the worst paintball team in the league!
They arrive at the ‘Happy Valley Paintball Park’ a run down camp, were they are greeted miserably by the cruel academic Fay and her sweet, giant, mute, simpleton, brother William Not wanting to waste any time they all head out for their first game of the weekend dressed in super hero costumes and wielding the most amazing paintball guns ever seen, all hand built by William. After an exciting paintball battle of the egos between Charles’ team and Sean’s team, in which Charles’ not only looses the game and his temper but also to his prized possession – his beloved Vantage to Sean.
Later during a barbecue put on by Fay and William, Santos takes a very worried Brian for a heart to heart and a joint deep into the forest where they come across a medieval occult ceremony involving sinister Hooded Figures and two stunning half naked women tied to an alter. To their horror Santos and Brian witness the girls slaughtered at knifepoint by a high priest while the other Hooded Figures repeat ominously some Arthurian chant. Brian heroically charges into the middle of the ceremony only to find his own life threatened by the hooded figures as he is tied to the alter stone. With daggers bearing down Brian pisses his pants as the hooded figures chant hysterically as they prepare to kill him. At the last minute they reveal themselves as his friends. However, unbeknown to them the ceremony, which was orchestrated by Fay to unlock the wall safe in the tomb containing the Cauldron of Annwn has awoken a giant Guardian Knight, the Cauldrons deadly murderous protector who’s only reason for being is to kill all who witness the sacred ceremony, the ceremony the guys un-wittingly performed.
Back at the bunkhouse, a loud and hedonistic party is in full swing. Charged by huge amounts of cocaine, alcohol and a fantastic lesbian floor show by the two strippers Blossom & Ginger. The guys proceed to get completely trashed in spectacular style. Charles keen for revenge and spurned on by huge amounts of cocaine insists on a rematch there and then.
Once again they all arm up and head off into the dark forest. Only this time there’s a new player in the game, one who won’t stop until they’re all dead.
The Carnage
Stagknight features some of the most original and brutal kills ever seen in comedy horror. This villain knows how to use his sword.
The kills are brilliantly gory. The highlight is certainly a decapitated head landing in its own shit… But that’s not all… there’s a dismembered body strung up with butcher’s hooks, a sword straight through the ass…one character even gets pinned spectacularly to a tree- through his stomach!…see the movie for the other ultra gory kills.
Forget Jason, forget Freddy, forget Zombies, there’s a new classic villain in town…check out these pics to see the carnage one Knight in shining armour can cause!
There’s blow up dolls, rubber fists, dildos, bondage, butt plugs and of course…Babes
What Stag night and what horror film would be complete without a couple of ultra hot half naked babes in tow? Rising starlet Jocelyn Osario plays the beautiful heroine ‘Blossom’ and gorgeous Danielle Mason plays the hilariously filthy stripper “Ginger”. These girls would make any man’s Stag night complete. With killer bodies these girls sizzle. In particular watch out for the strip scene where the girls really work it for the boys, and for the human sacrifice scene where the girls get dirty and terrorised in their knickers. As the party kicks off and things start to get wild these girls certainly get a whole lot more than they bargained for!
The Clip
Windows Media Player: Downloadable
Tuesday 23 May 2006 | Paul Pritchard | New and Upcoming Films
