Pulp Features

Welcome to the best multiple-choice questionnaire you never got at school! You know in an age where newspapers, magazines and online surveys offer to tell you whether you’re ambitious, the marrying type, an entrepreneur or some other such useless qualities, no one offers to answer you the question you really would like answered. Are you actually a Pervert?

Join us for a quest to discover whether your brain is a lusty sewer of debauched thoughts through answering simple questions by watching clips from the fabulously funny and trouser-raisingly exciting Pervert! Coming to DVD from Arrow Films on 30th April. Starring the infamous Mary Carey this is a must-see for fans of Russ Meyer type fun exploits.

Be warned this quiz is only for those who like a lotta jiggly with a good thrust of pokery so adults only as we launch into the quest to discover whether you’re a true pervert or not! If you are you’ll automatically be entered into a competition to win a copy of this wholesome home spankers friend. No looking at your neighbour’s answers now and ready yourself for the most enjoyable quiz you’ll ever have done!

THE QUIZ!

Ok then. Let’s take a look at the fruity trailer for Pervert. Pay close attention to the bearded mechanic. If your attention wanders due to the bountiful Mary Carey it’s ok - just watch the trailer again and again. It really is worth going blind for!

Watch the clip and answer the question:

Q1: What does the bearded mechanic ask for?

a) An honest job
b) A hand with his job
c) A rim job?

Gosh isn’t Mary a honey? In fact so keen is she to sweeten herself for you, the lucky viewer, she’ll smear her body in honey. But you’ll need to pay attention to the clip so you can answer the question about which course she’s serving:

Q2: What dining course does Mary Carey offer herself up as?

a) The Appetiser?
b) The Main Course?
c) Dessert?

Phew it looks hot in that clip or is it just hot in here? Only trouble with smearing yourself in honey is the mess so let’s slip Mary into the shower and join old man Hezekiah and James for breakfast. We realise that Mary does stay in soapy view during this scene but while watching the clip do try and take a moment to listen to Hezekiah’s plans for the future:

Q3: What does Hezekiah think he can do when he gets a corral?

a) Raise animals?
b) Raise booty?
c) Raise the dead?

Well darn it all that bathing has taken a toll on us so why not join Hezekiah for a nice nap. Only problem for the old dude is the non-stop humpathon going around him. Try to ignore the copious bangfest that Mary delights in and concentrate instead on what Hezekiah drinks:

Q4: What dies Hezekiah find in his cup of water?

a) A bug?
b) A condom?
c) A mermaid?

Hasn’t it been a long day? A lot of fun but all that perving would tire anyone out so let’s relax with the last clip where we join the ravishing Juliette Clarke for a lovely long soak. Only thing is she’s got company!

Q5: Who or what joins Juliette for a splash in the tub?

a) A claymation banana?
b) A claymation one-eyed milkman?
c) A claymation bull?

If you answered all the questions correctly then you are officially a Pervert!

As such you heartily qualify for a chance to win a copy of Pervert! If you don’t win console yourself with a peek at some of the extended lesbian scenes from the DVD. If you want more why not make the best investment of your new-found career in perversion and buy a copy of Pervert, out 30th April on DVD!

Email your answers to winstuff@pulpmovies.com any may the perviest pervert win!

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